I’m so lucky to work with a friend who is so spiritually smart and is so grounded in her faith. I won’t embarrass her by using her name, but let’s call her Jessica. Jess and I have known each other for about six years now and we’ve worked with each other most of that time. If you knew us, you might think “wow are they opposite or what?” – but over the years I’ve come to realize that we are a lot alike in many ways. She truly is the yin to my yang, and I would say that we’ve both grown from our friendship in different ways. Now we tease each other that she is my “Shirley” and I’m her “Laverne” in life. I am blessed to work with her everyday. I love her like a sister and would lay down my life for her or her family.
Jess and I’ve had a hard few months; well let’s be honest – a couple of hard years. Jess lost her mom after a long illness about six months before my mom died suddenly. It’s been tragic, but very bittersweet in a way, to share this in common; we are here for each other when we miss our moms or laugh when we realize we are acting just like our moms. I met her sweet mom once; unfortunately, she never met mine. Ok, I’m rambling – I’m ADD so everyone that knows me is used to this tendency I have to skip all over the place when I’m talking, working, or writing… back to what I started this blog about….
Jess and I have faced some real challenges as we work together day-by-day. Finally, the other day we were sitting in my office and I just asked her point-blank, “how do you know if you have heard the voice of God,or you think you did because you wanted to hear the voice of God about a decision?” She looked at me and smiled (she is so beautiful when she smiles – it’s like she’s lit from within by God’s grace) and said “oh I struggle with that too sometimes..”. What? You do? Jess struggles with this too????
You probably know where I am going with this…. we all struggle to hear the voice of God, especially when our faith begins to waver if we think we’ve made a wrong decision. Duh Kim – I am so dense sometimes, but it’s been a long, long time since I had a Christian mentor that I can go to and ask dumb questions that make me feel so much better when my mentor says she has those questions too….
Jess – I love you and I am so blessed to work with a sister in Christ who can be my mentor (I know I’ve never really told you that you are my mentor in Christ – but you are), and then in the same conversation be my equal when facing tough times that just don’t make sense! We have FAITH, we know that as long as we do our BEST to listen for HIS words of direction, we will be okay and things will be as they SHOULD be. Maybe not be like we want them to be – but it’s not about our WILL is it? It’s about HIS will no matter what – that’s the hard part for me, the no matter what….
What about you – do you ever feel like you’ve felt God’s will lead you in a direction or speak to you and then think “Woops – that must not have been God and I must have just followed my will…”? What do you do? How do you cope with that uncertainty of not knowing for 100% sure that you are doing God’s will….
I can’t answer that question yet because I’m still learning to live in FAITH no matter what happens! It’s the hardest thing ever for this list-making, black vs. white, control-freak to give up and quit trying to make things work out the way I think they should! It’s not about me – it’s about Him. Thanks to the loving sisterhood I’ve found with Jess, I know that I am not alone when I wonder and my faith begins to waver… I walk over to her office and sit for a spell while we share… we laugh, we cry sometimes, and we dream a lot.
Thank God for my friends, my job who brought me this incredible young woman who has made me a better person, and for this wild questioning spirit of mine …. I am blessed!
Have a great week – whatever you do, do it in FAITH!