I spent a couple of hours yesterday with a wonderful woman who I happened to meet at the nail salon months ago while we sat next to each other getting pedicures. I’m chatty by nature and over the years I have met some wonderful friends at the nail salon. Mary and I struck up a conversation about nonprofit work, and naturally I became very interested as we chatted about grant writing and the challenges of finding funding for a new nonprofit. The more we chatted, the more interested I became. We traded phone numbers and I told her I’d be more than happy to help her in any way I could. Again a mission touches my heart and I recognize such a great need for this new, but oh so important program.

We connected in person yesterday and discussed everything going on with the nonprofit. They are doing a great job and are seeing some potential for big successes right around the corner.

It was surreal for me in a way; you all know I’ve been hyper focused on preparing for my HR recertification exam in July and I’ve enjoyed studying, but there has been very little spark of pure contentment and excitement. This meeting lit a fire in my soul that I had assumed was stone cold and reduced to ashes. I was excited as the ideas rolled out of my head faster than I could acknowledge them or even write them down. It was like the lock on that part of my heart had been opened and my passion was pouring out as I focused on helping others. I really thought I’d come to terms with the fact I felt like I wasn’t cut out to be successful in a nonprofit. I’d had a wonderful experiences before working at nonprofits, but things I couldn’t control crushed me and caused such self-doubt, that I really thought I was meant to just volunteer rather than work for one. I wanted to help people and I wanted my nonprofits to be successful, but it wasn’t meant to be no matter how hard I tried. Ultimately, four years ago I felt like God was shutting the door on nonprofit work and was urging me to look for a job in the corporate or legal world. So I shifted my job search focus and started studying to get back into HR. I did keep the door to nonprofits open just a crack and I applied for jobs at some very special organizations with a little hope in my heart.

I don’t know where I’ll end up working – I do know that I haven’t felt so on fire and so “at home” as I did working with Mary yesterday on her nonprofit. It felt so right, my passion was overflowing and I was excited for the first time in a long time.

In these days of economic and political uncertainty, I’ll be grateful and happy to be working again. I do know that even if I’m meant to be working in the corporate world, I will always make time to volunteer for a nonprofit. Don’t get me wrong, I love working in human resources (even though you are never the good guy!!!) and I’m a people-pleaser at heart, so I love matching people with jobs that are a good fit for them.  I loved working at law firms in the past, and even thought it’s been 30 years since I worked for the FDIC, I think working in a corporate environment might be really fun.  However, God made it very clear that the passion in my heart is alive and burning; just because working in a nonprofit may not be my final career destination doesn’t mean I have to shut that door. I’ll just serve nonprofits in a different manner.

I am so bad about being black and white about things – either I do or I don’t, I like it or I hate it, I agree or I disagree.  Lance is grey about life things, and is very at home being grey rather than deciding to be black or white.  I always wondered why, but he’s always been very even keeled and good-natured, taking things as they come and go.  That’s one of the things I love about him – he’s just a good guy.  I, on the other hand, get my panties in a wad about something every single day.  Hmmmmm – God are you working on me again in a different area of my life.  I get that you are really teaching me patience and breaking my need to be in control, but are you being sneaky and teaching me to be more in the “middle zone” about issues and not so dead set on one way or another?  I think so…… It’s really hard though…. But I’m up for trying to like grey.  I do look better in black or white though –

Find your burning passion – get some good vibrations going.  It bleeds over in all areas of your life!

Later – I REALLY need to study now!

p.s. I will ALWAYS hate liver – there is no grey there.